things to say to your tween or big kid

86 Things To Say to Your Tween to Help Reconnect and build confidence


So you have a big kid or tween, and sometimes you wonder if they think they’re actually an adult with a pre-pubescent body. And sometimes, I’m sure you say a few things that you aren’t exactly proud of saying to your child (I know I’ve been there!), but there are things we can say to our tweens to help build their confidence and remind them you love them, without even saying “I love you!”

86 Things to Say to your Tween

86 things to say to your big kid or tween to build confidence
86 Things you can say to your tween (or big kid) to help instill confidence
  1. I’m so happy you tried the new cereal today.  Trying new things can be hard!
  2. I’m glad you asked for help.
  3. You sure have some awesome dance moves!
  4. If you could choose any friend from any book, who would you choose? (And then read that book!)
  5. Let’s go to the store and find a tree to plant. You can choose the tree!
  6. It is okay to cry.
  7. When you’re finished with dinner, can you help me pick out a new rug design online?
  8. How did you discover that awesome trick?
  9. You seem worried. I’m here if you want to talk it through, but I also know you’re able to work hard and try your best. That’s all we ask.
  10. You’re right.
  11. It is okay to not do well sometimes – in fact, no one is able to do everything. I’m just glad you’re willing to try again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but again another day.
  12. I absolutely think that’s the best option for you.
  13. I knew you’d figure it out on your own!
  14. (Child’s preferred name), I’m so glad you reminded me that it was library day today – I nearly forgot!
  15. That was brave!
  16. You tell the best jokes, just when I need them. Thank you.
  17. You’re never too old to snuggle, I’m here for you if you want one.
  18. I know your able to pick out your own clothes – and I trust you, so I won’t complain.
  19. Thank you for helping with your brother this morning. You know when I need the extra hand.
  20. You’re awesome the way you are – you don’t need to compare yourself to others.
  21. WOW! You made your clothes decision so quickly today!
  22. Never change who you are – you’re awesome the way you are!
  23. It is awesome that you were able to befriend the new kid at school!
  24. I know you’ll make a good choice about your hair for school (and then really, don’t say anything!)
  25. I love that you’re clothes choices are always unique and so you!
  26. I think your friend will be happy that you invited them to your party
  27. I know you’ll do great cracking the eggs for making the cookies!
  28. That sounds like a great solution!
  29. Your book reading sure is contagious!
  30. You sure are a fast homework-doer!
  31. I still love dolls too!
  32. Those are brilliant colors you chose for your new walls. The good thing is, if you change your mind, it is only paint and we can all live with it for 2 years, right?
  33. We’re all different, and that’s okay.
  34. I’m listening.
  35. Sometimes we just need an ice cream sundae! Will you be my date?
  36. Well that sounds like an adventure, are you up for it?
  37. It sure is hard being (8, 9, 10, 11, 12…)
  38. I’m glad I get to be your parent.
  39. I may not be able to fix it, but we can talk about how we can feel better about it.
  40. Let’s take a break and try again after a while.
  41. You may not have scored a basket, but you sure did hustle!
  42. Can you do that awesome impression again?
  43. I’m watching.
  44. We all make mistakes.
  45. Can you teach me how to do that?
  46. Do you have a minute? I’d love to hear about your technique for building such awesome lego figures.
  47. You have overcome so much to get to where you are!
  48. I think you beat the house record for quickest breakfast eating on a weekday.
  49. Can I buy a copy of your art?
  50. I’m glad you stuck with it.
  51. Why don’t you pick the lunch for today?
  52. If you could choose any super power for me to have, what would it be?
  53. I make mistakes as well.
  54. Thank you for picking up all those wrappers from the van floor! (Be specific on the thank yous so they make more of an impact!)
  55. You may not have noticed me, but I was watching when you held the door open for the person behind you today. I’m sure they were thankful.
  56. I know it is hard to be oldest/youngest/only child.
  57. You were able to speak clearly and make your point to me- I’m proud of you for standing up for what you believe.
  58. That was some funky footwork to get from the mail box back to the house!
  59. Can you help me pick out the shoes that go best with this outfit?
  60. It has been a while, but can I read to you tonight?
  61. You saved your money up and worked hard – time to go and buy that XX you wanted!
  62. We all have our things, it seems you found yours!
  63. You’ll never know if you don’t try, so you let me know what you need from me to make it happen.
  64. If you could be any animal, bug or plant, which one would you choose and why?
  65. Let’s breathe and countdown from 20 before we try again.
  66. If you let me choose your shirt, I’ll let you choose the first stop on the drive to your grand mother’s house.
  67. I’m going to change into something comfortable so we can head to the jump zone and we can both get our negative feelings out!
  68. I’m glad you were able to work hard to meet your goal.
  69.  I’m not sure what I’d do without you!
  70. Surprise me!
  71. It was nice to spend time just the two of us: Let’s make sure we do this again soon.
  72. It is okay if you’re not sure. Let’s write out the points to help you make a decision.
  73. Every family has different rules, I care about you, and sometimes we just have to do things differently than others. I do understand that may not make sense, so let’s talk some more about why we choose this for our family.
  74. If you’re good with your decision, I support you.
  75. I realize today may be a bit more rough than usual, so let’s plan something special for after school.
  76. Let’s go ahead and give it a try.
  77. I like you as you, not as someone else.
  78. You pick the movie, I’ll make the popcorn.
  79. I may see you struggle, and I may not help right away, but know I’m watching, because I know that you have the ability to do your best and try again if necessary. If you decide it is too much, come to me and I’ll help.
  80. Let’s go for a bike ride and find that favorite spot you used to love and read the clouds.
  81. It is okay to feel over whelmed! I do all the time!
  82. When you’re ready, I’m here.
  83. It is okay.
  84. Breathe out the negativity and let’s breathe in some fun!
  85. Let’s cut out pictures from the magazine and create something wacky.
  86. I will always love you.

Yes, we all have to hear those words at times, but there are plenty of other ways to make sure your child knows they are important, and that you believe in them. When it comes to being a parent, you sometimes need to let your guard down. Show your child the life you want them to believe in. Let them know we all have faults. Be realistic. Let them see you without make up. Build them up and help them make decisions.


Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS


  1. These are some really great ideas of things to say to help and encourage tweens. Our tween (my stepdaughter) has really struggled with weight issues, and depression (she still struggles with her mom and dad’s divorce which happened when she was 7, and she’s had a really hard time this past year when her mom started dating someone. Again, great uplifting ideas I will take to heart!

  2. Love these words and phrases of encouragement and inspiration. Children need to hear positivity in their life. My oldest is 8 and I’ve used similar wordings for him. Great post!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *