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Hot Mamas Only Apply – Mom’s Group Rules

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There are plenty of mom’s groups out there. Online only. In person. Some organized by churches. Others require you to send in your photo before being accepted (yes there are some called “Hot Mamas of X” vicinity). Then there are drama mama groups. There are groups out there (mostly internet based it seems) whose entire goal is to just complain and bring people down. When did we lose the real friendships? Why is it so hard to make friends as adults?

Finding a mom’s group shouldn’t be so hard

Really – finding a group shouldn’t be so hard. Most of us are out of high school – so we should be able to be adults and say – you know what, we don’t have much in common and we don’t have a lot to say to each other so let’s just move on. Or hey we don’t have a lot in common on the surface, but we’re both parents and even if we do things differently we still can see value in the other.

I don’t run a mom’s group or anything but if I did I realize that as adults with differing views and backgrounds rules likely would come into play. I’d make them pretty simple.

© Donnarae | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images
© Donnarae | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

10 Rules to a Good Mom’s Group

  1. Parenting isn’t a contest.
  2. I am not always right
  3. You are not always right
  4. There is no right or wrong suggestions from friends. Take what works and leave the rest.
  5. Get to know moms of different ages.
  6. Get to know moms with kids of different ages.
  7. Don’t expect everyone to be your best friend.
  8. Don’t leave someone out on purpose.
  9. Relax.
  10. Have fun.

Mom’s Group Rules may also include things like:

  • Sick kid policy
  • Violence
  • Appropriate discipline

The reason is that we have a lot more in common than we have differences. We all wonder if we’re doing the right thing. We all worry more with the first kid than the second. And the third? From what I hear sand has mineral content and may count as a meal :)

I’ve become less judgmental by thinking two things:

Everyone has a reason for what they’re doing – even if it is something way different from my choices.

I don’t need to know.

The big one for me is the second one. I’m nosy. I’ll admit that! So I don’t need to know if that kid is a boy or girl.

Here’s the other thing I’d love to get out there:

Just because I choose differently it doesn’t mean I think it is something that is best for everyone.

And it definitely doesn’t mean that I have time to care whether or not you use coconut oil and kale. Those aren’t part of a mom’s group rules, just choices someone else makes. Don’t like it? Choose something else.

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33 comments

  1. Dear Mums on line
    I am extremely envious of the fact that where ever one lives one can be in touch with Mums who live in cities, in the countryside, on islands, in India or Fuji, America or the UK…
    Frustrated Mums, finicky Mums, peaceful Mums, single Mums, stay at home Mums or working Mums, substitute Mums, in laws and grand-mums….expert Mums, doctors, nurses, midwives….

    I remember living in the depths of the German countryside, a foreigner from a much warmer place both in temperatures and people.

    I remember being considered strange, having strange naming tendencies, a bad Mum, especially concerning sleeping and feeding arrangements.
    Having horrible arguments with the in laws regarding animals in the house. It seemed as I was all alone and there was no mobile nor internet. Sometimes -24′ temperatures and sometimes just as chilly characters.

    I got my revenge by taking over a Kindergarten in the then just former DDR, now 24 years ago…throwing a bit of the Indian Masala and Parsi Peculiarities into the culture shocked East Germans..for many I was their very first ‘;foreigner’. We managed to changed Laws and ensured that every child has the legal right to a Kindergarten placing.

    We had children from the age of 18 months upto school entry level of six. We opened at five thirty in the morning and closed our doors at six pm. We served 3 to 4 meals a day and took over also the warm lunch for the local school as well as the village pensioners.

    Just a little about what happened to Mums before the Net…
    I wish you luck with your experiences..my advice is
    especially in a foreign country, ….get involved with the locals and Oh Yes, chocolate comes from a plant so can be considered as a salad…

    Roxanne Davur
    now
    The Probably Paradise Shelter for Animals
    Takve Village
    Near Karjat
    Maharashtra,Western India

     
  2. I love that you said parenting isn’t a contest. The thing is, there are way too many parents out there who think it is. I don’t understand why and it can definitely be difficult to be around those types of people.

     
  3. I am not a Mom blog, but there are a lot of them out there. Some good, some bad…. some think they are really good. I have found with any blog… We need to just relax and have fun. You only go around once in this lifetime and you need to enjoy it.

     
  4. As I am noted for saying “I agree to disagree”–I happen to agree with most of what you said in this post and if someone simply won’t let something go I generally will say my saying and if they still persist-Adios Amiga! There is no reason we can’t all get along (whether mom’s or not)!

     
  5. I have been trying to find mom/child groups. Most that I find are too young or too old. It seems like I am the only one with a 4yo in my area, lol. I do not care if I get along with the moms though that would be nice, I just want a play group for my son.

     
  6. I recently joined a mom’s group in my city. I was so nervous and still get a little anxious when the meetings come up because of all of this stuff! I want to fit in, but then I remember that I just need to remember I am doing my best and if they judge me, they aren’t worthy! Its a tough world out there!

     
  7. Those are good rules for a mom group. I like it is not a contest and that none of us are always right. Sometimes I take advice from people if it works for me and sometimes I don’t because it doesn’t. But, I am always careful to consider that everyone has a different way of doing things and that is a-okay!

     
  8. I have never heard of any mom groups in my area, though I am not sure if I would join one. I find women in large groups tend to show their catty attitudes in those kind of settings. I prefer to stick with a few close friends for gatherings. But hey, if it works for other women, that I think it’s a great idea!

     
    1. Theresa- That’s so true and the reason behind the post. Many people “lose” their friends due to moving or just growing apart. Then when there’s a change like having kids, there’s a new set of friends who come along… Often we find them through a mom’s group/mom’s club and we end up in a competition of sorts.

       
  9. It’s great to see you have the same issues with mom/mum groups. It’s the same here in the UK. I’ve tried lots with Scarlett, but there is one we keep going back to as it’s friendly and structured.

     
  10. Your “10 Rules to a Good Mom’s Group” is really spot on. This is the most important one in my mind:

    There is no right or wrong suggestions from friends. Take what works and leave the rest.

     
  11. I’ve tried to be a part of Mom groups a couple of times, but since I don’t do well with large gatherings it didn’t work out to well. I definitely agree that parenting is not a contest! I love the other rules too.

     
  12. I don’t think I could deal with the drama of a mom’s group. I tried including myself in the mom’s group at my daughter’s gymnastics, but it just seemed like all they wanted to do was gossip.

     

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