Roommates when you have kids – Vent Post

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Okay, this is a bit of a vent post – so be aware. I posted earlier how we’ve had a roommate. Well he’s not around much (like 9 pm is the earliest he comes back) and he’s single and doesn’t talk to us much at all. I figured something was up because there’s a newspaper delivery and for some reason they send one for us and one for him. Anyway, roommate only brings his in the morning. Figure passive aggressive or just plain rude. Either way, life goes on.

How do you deal with roommates when you have kids?

So, we have a common area that we’ve never seen him use. We do use it. At around 11 or 3 pm each day, the place is pretty messy. Crayons, cut up paper, blocks and more. I have two kids, it is 90 degrees plus around 90% humidity – we can’t get outside… you can imagine. Every day everything gets put away and I wipe up any mess there is. We don’t have a broom or mop, but I wipe up spills, even though every day around noon (except Sunday) someone comes to clean the place. Obviously, if I didn’t care about having the place picked up for a roommate, I could leave it for the cleaning people. But I don’t. That’s rude.

And our roommate has clearly never lived with kids. (Update: Turns out he DOES have kids, OH MY!)

Here’s the thing – neither of us chose to have a roommate. We asked to be moved, the managing group said no, it has to be approved by the company. We know someone else has a roommate and kids as well, so apparently people are okay with it.

Or no one has spoken up.

Company has indicated that once my husband started (which he did last week) they could check into it. But the process is computer-based, so he first had to apply for an extension to stay. Then what? We don’t know how long this guy is here. But clearly “family housing” means share with a random stranger.

This morning, as I was putting away dishes and making breakfast, I noticed that we’re missing a bowl. They aren’t “our” bowls, but there are 4 bowls. “The guy” as we call him, because he’s never introduced himself, though we did introduce our selves when we moved in, has moved where he keeps his bowl. So, he’s apparently keeping a bowl for himself in his room. That’s fine. If we all were eating at once, it would be good for him to have his own. I usually eat the kid’s left overs for breakfast anyway.

Well shortly after that, roommate comes out to leave for work and he asks my husband to step outside to talk. He goes out – my daughter follows “what are you talking about, what is he saying?”

Apparently his words were “please keep the common area clean. This isn’t your home.”

What the fuck. Mind you, I rarely swear. But really. Come on.

Oh and he said he doesn’t mind our kids. Really? Do you have a choice to mind our kids?

I want to be upset, but I’m more frustrated. We didn’t choose to have roommates and he’s a single guy living in temporary housing. He’s not moving to India – he’s here on a project. We’re moving here. We are waiting for our stuff (which may or may not be on a boat right now, it was supposed to leave the 21st from California, 31 days from when they packed our stuff).

Yesterday we visited a friend of my husband and came back late, so a few things were left out, but I can list them all for you:

– one blanket under the table

– newspaper folded on the couch

– two trucks (under the blanket)

– Unfolded newspaper on the table

– Did not put washed dishes away

– Husband was charging his phone in the common area because we have one plug in the bedroom

– two quarters and a nickel on the buffet table

Oh and my birthday flowers were out on the buffet table, in their cases, etc.

So tonight, I can choose, do I just not clean anything during the day so he can see what really does get cleaned up OR do I just continue as before and pick up all the toys, etc, wipe down everything, as usual. Yesterday was abnormal, but he’s clearly been holding this in for a while. He really expects us to live in JUST our bedrooms. He said this wasn’t our home.

My husband is fine and actually would prefer if he complains to someone so they’ll see that keeping singles with families isn’t a good idea. I mean, what if he’s a real crazy guy and does something to one of my kids? Then what? Who is at fault for putting my kids at risk? Obviously first the guy but who is guilty for letting it occur? Me or the company or the managing group of the guest house?

On another tangent, should I mention his 5 bottles that go unused sitting on the counter or his food in the top shelf that has never moved since we’ve been here so is clearly expired? Yes, things I notice, but not things I care about enough to make a stink. We use most of the fridge because we LIVE here.

We asked about staying here permanently (like rent paying) but were told there wasn’t room due to the number of people coming on contracts for a project. But then it was hinted that we need to make friends with some specific people. Ugh. Nothing is straight forward. The place we originally planned to stay at (once our stuff arrived) is a good 45 minutes away. It is close to the school we like but is not as open and airy. Not surrounded by others who have moved from abroad. And it means with the 6 day work week and mandatory hours, the kids will not see my husband, at all.

So, now what? We’ll continue as is. Our current “stay” expires on Sunday. My son’s birthday – we plan to have a party here – this should be interesting. Hopefully we know if we can stay here longer before then. If not… who knows!
R working with V on paper number cards I made yesterday. You can imagine the mess and this was all “trashed” and I’m making new ones with correct Montessori colors. You can see how messy we leave the common areas.

 

I know for a fact the cup on the floor in the video was thrown away, along with the truck being the one that was under the table with the blanket.

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10 comments

  1. When a situation like this goes too far and for too long, it does get messier and more challenging to “resolve”. I do hope you found your common ground and a ways to communicate so that everyone can, or is, living in harmony and peace, and not getting to a point of no return! Communication is everything!

     
  2. What a messy situation that was. You certainly did all you could do to make it easier on him!! I am certainly glad you are no longer in it. I can not understand why singles were put into housing with families–it does not make sense.

     
  3. It must have been really difficult to have a roommate like that. It seems like you were doing everything from your side to keep things well, but the roommate was plain rude.

     
  4. I would have said a piece if I had someone like that living with us. Its not that I am a neat freak, I just want to have a peaceful living place where everyone respects each other.

     
  5. That stinks, especially with you having kids involved! Roommates are bad even without having a family that has to deal with it. Hope your situation improves ASAP.

     

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