So I’m 3 weeks from that big “becoming a full-time mommy” and I have more thoughts coming every day.I’m not sure if I should entitle this “thoughts on becoming a stay-at-home mom” or “fears of becoming a stay at home mom.”
Here’s a list, with probably more thoughts and possible “deeper” explanations on the topic over the upcoming weeks and months.
Fears of being a stay-at-home mom
My deepest fear is that I will be a failure. Now I know there’s no failure in being a mom (unless you do something criminal against your kids, of course!) but since with working full time I have set goals, deadlines and I know how I’m doing and I really control my career-life, with kids it isn’t like that.
Wow, say it again
Becoming a stay at home mom, full-time
Another fear I have is of not necessarily rejection but of the fights and potential battling that is generally seen as the “pay” of stay at home moms. Stay at home mom pay is low. I know I’ll get paid by smiles and quick hugs from my daughter (she’s like me, not very huggy/physical) and big kisses and slobbers and tickles from my son. With regular work, you get paid for what you do and possibly more if you do really well. Pay raises as a stay at home mom are likely to come through bonding and attachment, right? Well hopefully I haven’t missed too much of those because at almost 5, my daughter will likely start to get to the “mom’s not cool” age. Mean while, this thought to stay at home started because my daughter was sad last year when the substitute teacher (at her old school) thought that our au pair was her mom. That made her cry a few times. I do not want that for my daughter. This way, I’ll be doing more drop-offs and pick-ups. That is a satisfaction I will get, but likely I have to know this innately, and not expect a pat on the back or a “thanks for being there mom” from my daughter.
I fear I’ll be bored and feel unsatisfied. Moms aren’t supposed to be bored of staying at home with their kids, right? We’re supposed to enjoy rolling on the carpet, playing cars and be happy to blow up 100 balloons a week, right? Well I know that logically we all realize we won’t always be happy doing these things, but my fear is that since I’m goal oriented, I won’t be able to let go of those “measurements” and stress myself out. This goes back to the whole “failure” thing that I first said. But I know my stay-at-home mom friends do not get bored. There are so many things to be done each day! If I’m bored it is likely because I’m being a lazy lump on a log, right
Perhaps, deep down, I’m afraid I’ll actually like staying at home. I mean, who has two bachelor’s and three master’s degrees and wants to stay home with their kids? I know I have the book smarts to be a parent (master’s in education and also a master’s in psychology) and that should mean I can tell a mom some theories on parenting and child development, right? But, put it into action, I put a lot of time and money into my education. I know I am doing a good thing by being home for my kids, I’ll be there for them when they come home from school, I can be at my daughter’s ballet class. I can bring my son to library story time. Perhaps I can even plan meals out to prevent food waste even! But, I either need to change my competitive, goal-oriented personality, make “goals and checklists” for staying at home, or find a balance within there.
So, in a few weeks, it will be “welcome to the 16%” – as in the 16% of moms who havea post-graduate degree and are unemployed (Gallup poll) – But really my fears of becoming a stay at home mom are likely unfounded! I can do this!